Journal Flashback: John Dillinger

For today’s journal flashback I decided to see what I was doing on John Dillinger’s birthday in 2009. He was born on June 22nd, 1903 about 25 miles away from where I’m sitting right now. There is no entry for June 22nd, 2009. But one exists for June 21st, a day that coincidentally sits right between Dillinger’s birthday and the birthday of Sean Regan. It was the latter that I was celebrating that night by drinking 160 proof rum and falling in love love with a kind of chubby, kind of mean blond waitress in traditional German attire. The Rum is called Stroh 80 (The 80 stands for 80% alcohol) and smells like delicious butterscotch. I don’t know what the waitress is called. But judging from the way she always seems annoyed no matter how many or few people she is serving, I bet that whatever she is called she isn’t called that by her super hot and nice boyfriend. Steve Martin said it best when he said, “I don’t think you understand how unattractive “hate” is.” But then again she could have a hot/nice boyfriend because as I mentioned before I have a tendency to fall in love love with her. If I can, anyone can.

Anyway! It was Sean’s birthday and somehow I convinced his sister Kate to kiss me. (I suspect that “somehow” in this case involves Stroh 80) Then I showed him the picture I took of it and he kicked me medium hard. He’s a super nice, easygoing guy. But he has that sister switch that turns him angry and violent. I don’t have a sister or anything. But I can’t imagine getting mad enough to strike someone over one kiss. Especially a kiss as gay as this one. And I use the term “gay” here to mean “homosexual”. Just look at it. Kate and I kissed the way a closeted gay dude kisses his lesbian beard at his family Thanksgiving. I’m not even sure we touched.  But the sister switch is powerful. He apologized afterward and drunkenly told me that I could date his sister if I liked. I declined. I’m still holding out for the mean fat waitress.