I made this back on May 31st, 2012. It was my 33rd birthday. 30 was a fun birthday. 31 was not so fun. 32 was the least fun birthday I ever had. I was worried that I had gotten to the age when birthdays are always lame. 33 proved me wrong. SO here’s my advice to all you 32 year olds out there that are dreading their 33rd.

Step 1. Get two girls. They don’t have to be sisters, but that helps. One of them doesn’t have to be a professional ballet dancer, but that also helps. The other doesn’t have to be the star-crossed love of your life, but (yes you guessed it) it helps. They do have to both be super sexy. This is important. Girls like this are not hard to find. You know them. And you can convince them to do this. Tell them it’s art. Tell them you’re going to be the only one removing any clothes. Tell them anything you need to to get them in that room with you. I mean, it’s your fucking 33rd birthday. You wanna do it right don’t you?

Step 2. Buy these three things. Red lipstick, a white speedo swim cap, and lots and lots of white clown makeup.

Step 3. Set up the camera and let the magic happen. The girls won’t need much instruction. Really there’s no wrong way to do this. As long as you get painted white and your body is subsequently covered in warm wet little kisses, you’ll enjoy that 33rd birthday.

Step 4. Make an animation out of the shoot and put it on the internet with a clever domain name. The one I chose is GuessWhoHadABirthdayToday.Me. You will need to chose a different domain name. You can do it. You’re totally creative.

Happy 33rd!


Jedediah Johnson: Trigenarian Extraordinaire